I rarely remember dreams, so when I do, it's a big deal. Last night's dream has been haunting me all day. Most of it was creepy and weird (homeless guy trying to grope me after I gave him a quarter, me climbing a bookcase to win a contest) but the end was so real.
After all the strangeness, I suddenly found myself in an elevator with a few other people and Maddox was in my arms. He looked right up into my face and spoke. It was a full sentence. I can't remember the words now but it was something a child his age would be able to say. I was so shocked and happy! Then he said the word I've been longing to hear..."mama". I looked around at the people in the elevator wanting someone to share my excitement. They all just kept right on doing what they were doing, not getting the magnitude of what had just occurred. I was desperate to share the news with Jason. As I began frantically looking around for him I woke myself up. As I turned around I found myself staring at his empty pillow. My head began to clear, reality hit and my joy slowly faded away. I realized that I wasn't in an elevator, Jason had already left for work and worst of all... Maddox had not really spoken. Never has.
I was a little discouraged all day until I remembered 2 beautiful blog posts I read a few weeks ago. unspokens & come and listen. (Click on the links and read them, they are amazing) As I reread the powerful words of a fellow believing mama, the tightness in my chest began to relax... just a little. My baby may not speak in ways I can hear with my ears but I HEAR him.
This video reminded me where to find peace. I pray I will not allow myself to be robbed of it so easily again.
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God. ~Psalm 42:11
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